im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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