is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
