She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
