I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
