I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
