Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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