Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
