The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
