Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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