so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize