we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
