Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
