theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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