I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
