2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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