3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
