there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Text me some of your sweat
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
