Jerry, you need to find god
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
