I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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