so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
