I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Fuck appropriateness.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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