it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
