if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
