Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
