nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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