I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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