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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
