Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
