Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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