Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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