i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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