I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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