Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize