PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize