Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
a search helicopter?!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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