I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You're like the curious george of whores
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
