At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize