He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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