Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
