It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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