No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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