ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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