His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I AM VODKA MAN
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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