I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
