this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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