Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
