I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I believe in your delicious
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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