Soap is not a condiment
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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