Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
