The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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