I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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