Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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