i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
