Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
