ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
