Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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