how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
