It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
