Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
