you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
