i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
