meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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