Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
