I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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