you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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