Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
