I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
