So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He keeps bees of course he's weird
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
