If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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