she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The feeling are messing with the penis
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
