I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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