this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
